On being "Mama Day"

³⁰ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ ³¹ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these.”

Tonight, a friend asked me when I became so motherly, and I actually had to stop and think about my answer. I couldn't remember the moment when I became the "mom" of my friend groups or of the kids I babysat or the kids at church...I always have been. But, I knew I needed to give an answer, so I gave the longest one I could think of (and my sweet friend listened intently as I rambled on and on). 

I've always loved people. I love them with my whole heart, and I love them fiercely. Once I realize I like someone (and I feel like the feeling is mutual) I'll squeeze right into their life as another mom. I can't help it. I'll ask how their days has been and how much sleep they've had and how their classes are and how friendships are going and if they've eaten dinner! I just want to know everything there is to know about them. I want to love on them and encourage them and hear what's going on with them. 

I've told my college roommates multiple times that my first goal upon moving in to my dorm was to get them to see that I loved them like another mama (sorry guys). But they've been such champs putting up with my constant "How are you sweetie?" and "Have you eaten anything today?" and, the always annoying, "Do you have a lot of work to do?" 

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors just as much as we love ourselves! In fact, the Bible says that there is no commandment greater than loving God and loving people! God calls us to love wholeheartedly and deeply and fiercely even when it's so difficult...and sometimes it really is difficult.

But if I may offer some encouragement: there is something special that happens when a friend sees how deeply you care for them and how much you want to be there for them. Walls come down and hearts soften and God does good things. God works through those moments! He gives us the teeniest glimpses of who He is and how much he cares for us and how much He longs for our trust. When we love others the way that Christ calls us to love them radical, God-things happen. Seriously.

Quick Thoughts: Looking up

I'll be the first to admit it...there are days when I'm not sure if God is doing something in me or through me or even for me. 

There are moments when I wonder if He is listening, if He is working, or if I'm doing what I should be doing. College was one of those "moments." There would be days when I'd sit and cry and wonder is God trying to tell me something and I'm just not hearing Him? Is He even telling me anything at all? I recently told a friend that there have been a lot of times in my life when I don't feel anything between myself and God. There have been times when others have told me that they feel God telling them something about my future, and because I don't feel anything like that (and because they are people I trust) I listen to them.

My problem is that I want tangible proof in that moment (almost like a bolt of lightning) that God is working, but that's not how He works. He does what He knows is best for us in the timing that He knows is best. I see that now.

Last night I looked up at the sky and realized how small I was, but amazingly enough, God STILL loves me and cares for me! I'm a speck on a speck, but God is incredibly faithful.

I looked up, and suddenly, I saw Him. I saw His work in my life. I saw how each little event that I had deemed meaningless, He used for something so big and oh so good. He used each moment of doubt and each decision made in uncertainty and each tear and each change-up to do a great work. I felt my heart fill with the truth that is God's plan. It is so beyond our comprehension, but God, in his grace, gives us little glimpses of how wonderful and magnificent He truly is to those that He loves, and we are oh so blessed. 

My mini-meltdown

If you haven't heard...I'm in college! *cue the excitement and the fear*

Most days, and I really do mean most days, are GREAT days. I've met awesome people and I live in a super rad place (the beach is like 5 minutes away) and I'm learning to be independent; however, some days are hard days.

There are days when I want to dance and laugh and shout for joy because I live in California and I get to hang out with such cool people and I get to shop and swim and watch movies and take pictures and do fun things! But some days I just want to leave my PJ's on and stay in bed. Today is one of those days.

Last night was a BLAST. I danced on a boat dressed as, as one RA so aptly put it, "a rad librarian." And I went to bed content and exhausted. And then it was Sunday morning.

I woke up planning on watching a service from my church at home. I was super excited because I've been missing my church like WOAH, but wouldn't you know it, as soon as I opened my computer I saw that the internet was shot. Goody. I tried to tinker with the network (like I know what I'm doing...), send in a help request, I even tried watching it through my phone, but to no avail. So, I texted my mom about my frustration and anger and disappointment because, even though I knew there was nothing she could do, I needed to tell SOMEONE.

And then I cried. I cried because I miss home. I cried because I miss my people. I cried because man oh man do I miss my church. But being the way that I am, I refused to let anyone see tears fall down my face, so I sucked the puppies back into my head, and I sat down to write.

It's been two weeks. I'm not expecting to be "super chill all the time" (-Leslie Knope), and in those moments when the tiniest thing creates the biggest emotions, I'm remembering to lean on the one who is stronger and bigger and better. He gives me Santa Barbara days to be thankful for, and he comforts me when there are days I'm not so thankful for. He is all-knowing and all-powerful and present at every moment in my college career, so when there are moments (or days or weeks) when I just want to lose my mind, He's there. So for today, I'll continue to scroll through pictures that were taken on good days, and be oh so grateful for them.