Provisions

So the end of junior year is upon me, and while I'm so excited for summer (like you have no idea), I'm pretty nervous because I am one year closer to graduating high school and leaving my comfy little nest that my parents have so skillfully built around me.

Lately, I've been anxious and nervous and moody and, frankly, a bit of a pain. This feeling of dread is overshadowing what should be a really fun and exciting time!

For example, yesterday I had a complete breakdown in my car in my driveway. I cried for a while then I went inside, ate some chili, and went to bed. I wish that that hadn't happened. I wish I was so pumped to be heading out on my own and doing some really cool stuff with my life, but I'm not.

The problem for me is that I'm a planner, and extremely sentimental. I love knowing what is happening and when it's happening, and where; however, that it so not how God rolls. I'm also super sappy--I love my people: my friends and my family and my church.

My issue is that I am afraid of that scary place called the "unknown." I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that I don't have that "in" on what is happening next in my life! Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, for me, I don't get to choose how my life plays out.

God's got me. He knows what He's doing with me, even if I have absolutely no idea. I just have to be willing to put every ounce of my trust in Him.

This is not the first time I've been totally confused about what will happen next. When I moved to Colorado I was the new kid; I didn't have any friends, but God provided (like He often does) and brought me some really awesome people who made my first year in Colorado bearable.

When those friendships didn't work out, I was pretty lost. I felt alone and sad and like there was no way I would find friends who really loved and appreciated me for who I was, but again, I blessed with the most amazing friends.

God's provisions for me are unending; and although I often doubt my future and I often doubt God, He proves me wrong every single time. He shows me that He is in control, and all I have to do is sit back and trust.

His unending provisions have blessed me with a church family that feel just like flesh and blood family, with friends who are like my sisters, and mentors who often sit with me, in the before mentioned car, and let me cry and rant about my issues (thanks guys).

All this rambling aside, my point is to trust. Just trust that He's got you. And be willing to loosen the reigns and let Him take over. Because I'm sure that His journey for us is a whole lot better than any journey we could conjure up on our own.