Grace upon grace

Hello friends! I took a bit of a hiatus from blogging this summer... partly because it has been a crazy and busy summer, and partly because every time I sat down to blog nothing came out! I couldn't put to words what I wanted to say--if I had tried it would've been a super confusing jumble of words that had no purpose.

But today, I felt a tug on my heart to take one more crack at it. It all started with a conversation that I was having with a friend. We were texting and she had apologized for forgetting to call me a few days ago! I responded with "don't worry about it" because it really was no big deal; however, what she said really took me by surprise! She replied: "you're so full of grace. I really appreciate that about your friendship to me!"

Something about me: it is often easier for me to give grace to others because I love them! I don't care that they made one little mistake because that's not WHO they are... it's just something they did. I don't expect the people around me to be perfect; I don't expect them to be the perfect friend because they're humans!

But her response surprised me because, lately, I haven't been feeling super gracious. I've been testy with family and most of all--with myself. I haven't been giving myself the grace that I probably should! I think: "wow, I could've done better, acted better, said something better, been a better friend, looked better, took better care of myself, been a better sister/daughter, etc." I've really put myself on a short leash! I've expected near-perfection from myself--something that no one expects from me!

God has given us undeserved, unrelenting, unconditional grace. A grace that it heaped upon us out of love. God KNOWS that we are not worthy of the grace that He has to offer, but he offers it anyway! Why? Because His grace makes us want to be better! When we see that the Lord has given us something that we don't deserve, it makes us want to show him that he hasn't made mistake in offering it to us!
The bible says a few (okay, more than a few) things about God's grace toward us:
"Sin can't tell you how to live. After all, you're not living under that old tyranny any longer. You're living in the [grace] of God."
{Romans 6:14}

"My grace is enough, it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness."
{2 Corinthians 12:9}

So, maybe I should take a lesson from God, and in part, from myself. I should be willing to show myself the grace that I am so willing to show to others, and I should willingly receive God's grace toward me without a thought of "am I enough?".

God's grace is so amazing. It is such a gift, and what's even crazier is that it's a gift we didn't ask for and one that we absolutely didn't deserve to receive! But He still gives it out every single day.

Provisions

So the end of junior year is upon me, and while I'm so excited for summer (like you have no idea), I'm pretty nervous because I am one year closer to graduating high school and leaving my comfy little nest that my parents have so skillfully built around me.

Lately, I've been anxious and nervous and moody and, frankly, a bit of a pain. This feeling of dread is overshadowing what should be a really fun and exciting time!

For example, yesterday I had a complete breakdown in my car in my driveway. I cried for a while then I went inside, ate some chili, and went to bed. I wish that that hadn't happened. I wish I was so pumped to be heading out on my own and doing some really cool stuff with my life, but I'm not.

The problem for me is that I'm a planner, and extremely sentimental. I love knowing what is happening and when it's happening, and where; however, that it so not how God rolls. I'm also super sappy--I love my people: my friends and my family and my church.

My issue is that I am afraid of that scary place called the "unknown." I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that I don't have that "in" on what is happening next in my life! Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, for me, I don't get to choose how my life plays out.

God's got me. He knows what He's doing with me, even if I have absolutely no idea. I just have to be willing to put every ounce of my trust in Him.

This is not the first time I've been totally confused about what will happen next. When I moved to Colorado I was the new kid; I didn't have any friends, but God provided (like He often does) and brought me some really awesome people who made my first year in Colorado bearable.

When those friendships didn't work out, I was pretty lost. I felt alone and sad and like there was no way I would find friends who really loved and appreciated me for who I was, but again, I blessed with the most amazing friends.

God's provisions for me are unending; and although I often doubt my future and I often doubt God, He proves me wrong every single time. He shows me that He is in control, and all I have to do is sit back and trust.

His unending provisions have blessed me with a church family that feel just like flesh and blood family, with friends who are like my sisters, and mentors who often sit with me, in the before mentioned car, and let me cry and rant about my issues (thanks guys).

All this rambling aside, my point is to trust. Just trust that He's got you. And be willing to loosen the reigns and let Him take over. Because I'm sure that His journey for us is a whole lot better than any journey we could conjure up on our own.

Greater

Yesterday was Easter! And while I INHALED some really awesome Godiva chocolate truffles (thanks parents), I also heard an amazing message by my amazing pastor at my pretty amazing church.

The "theme" for this Easter was "Greater than..." and it asked us to take a look at the situations in our lives and remember that God is greater than all of them!

The verse that this entire message was based around was:

"Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world."
{I John 4:4}

Wow is that true! Sometimes it is so easy for the world to steal my joy and my love and compassion, but this verse reminds us that God is greater than any earthly trouble we may encounter.

Lately, the enemy has been really awesome at stealing my happiness. It is so easy for a minor incident to turn into a fiasco, and in that moment I totally forget about the good. I'm a pro at making a mountain out of a molehill, and recently I've been doing that a ton!

The truth is...I don't want my joy to be taken. I want the joy that comes from the Lord to just hang out with me all of the time! And it does, but I often forget about it or choose to ignore it.

So today I've chosen to remember those little things that bring me immense joy--a joy that can only come from the Lord's blessings that are continually showered on me. I choose to say that God is greater than the joystealer.

God's blessings have brought me a ton of happiness, and if you choose to notice them, you'll be pretty happy too. My happiness comes from fresh-cut flowers and family nights; from picture collages and sitting in my disheveled bed eating really awesome chocolate; from hanging out with really cool people and hearing little kids sing their hearts our for Jesus; from hugs and food; and of course from God.

So remember to continually be aware of the blessing  of God's "greater than-ness," and of the pure joy that comes with knowing how much you are loved.

My people...

Hey! So in my last blog, which seems like forever and a year ago, I told you that one day I would write a post about the amazing women who have shown me what true friendship is all about... well today's the day where I'm gonna brag on my people! ;) Woot woot!

Oh my... where to begin: well for starters let me say this... each and everyone of these ladies are crazy awesome, and I love them like they were my own flesh and blood, is that weird? I say no.

So these are just a few of the moments that I have had the pleasure of sharing with these amazing ladies! They are each such unique creations of God, and they have such amazing strength, wisdom, and faith. Sometimes I pray to be like them when I grow up ;)

 They all have an amazing sense of humor (seriously, they are probably the funniest group of people I know.) When I'm having a bad day, they have this weird magical ability to put a smile on my face, and I like that about them.

I grew up believing that if you weren't arguing with your friends it meant that you're friendship was fake; now I know that a good group of friends know to just be real with each other. These ladies let their feelings be known, and that's something that I'm working on daily.

I have loads of fun with these awesome women! They are a hoot and a holler! I've had past friendships where I've felt excluded, but these ladies always make me feel like they want to hang out with me, and that makes a girl feel like a million bucks! They are the people that I love to hang out with any day of the week!


 Aside from the amazing girls my age that have been put in my life, God has blessed me with some amazing women that have spoken into my life in ways that make me feel so so loved! They are more than mentors... they are friends! They love each and everyone of us ladies, and they make us feel important! Having them around is probably the closest I will ever be to having older sisters :)

To be honest... this whole post is a round-a-bout way of telling you all how blessed I feel. I don't know if I tell these really awesome women how blessed I am to even be in their presences', but its true! They are awesome, and my prayer for every young lady out there who is feeling lonely is that they'll remember that God has a plan for them. He'll bring in the right friends at exactly the right moment. Be patient, don't worry; your true friends are right around the corner waiting for you! xo

5 facts o' life

Well heyyyyy!! Long time no talk :) I've just missed ya tons!

I thought I'd write this one to shed some light on life. It's not going to be super deep or meaningful...just some things I've learned recently!

5 facts of life that I've recently learned:

1. I'm not going to be everyone's cup o' tea, and that is just fine by me! It used to really bother if I felt like someone wasn't super fond of me, or if I felt that they just did not like me; however, I've pulled myself together and come to realize that as long as I have a couple of people who enjoy me and my weird sense of humor and large personality then I'm just fine.

2. High school is rough...with a capital R! You know how in movies they portray high school as this amazing, wonderful time of your life? Well I've come to find out...the movies may have stretched the truth! And don't get me wrong...there are times when high school CAN be really amazing! Just know that you are destined for much better things outside of high school...don't let high school be the ONLY amazing time in your life.

3. Good friends are hard to come by...I've touched on this one quite a bit, but please let me be a broken record! High school is a time of petty drama and silly fights, so finding really good friends is hard, but maybe branch out! I decided to find my good friends at church, and, sure, sometimes I get sad that I don't have friends at school everyday; but all it takes is one amazing moment with my really amazing friends and I leave my pity party and move on (you can too) :)

4. It's important to be positive...hey! I'll be the first to admit that I am the queen of being emotional, so it's hard for me to stay positive all of the time. And that's ok! Life's gonna get you down sometimes, but what I've found is that an amazing support system (friends, parents, pastors, etc.) make it a whole lot easier to dig yourself out of that little hole of despair and come up to the surface.

5. Life is stressful. Ha! oh man...I know that life is stressful. With college, ACT, SAT, AP classes, and the soon to come college application, it can feel like you're drowning in a sea of stress and pressure. Just remember that even though it's hard now, and it's not always fun growing up...everyone does it! You (and I) are not alone! *side note* find something fun to do to take you're mind off of all of the stress! I'm lucky that I have fun parents and fun friends who help me relax...find something that helps you feel at ease when you feel about read to melt into a puddle of person :)

I hope this helps you feel a little less alone when it comes to the daily trials of life! You all are awesome...don't forget it!

A "blog-date..."

Hello friends! Welcome to the new and improved "Beautifully Broken blog!!!" I know I keep bouncing around with the design, but I'm a restless soul. I enjoy change!

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. In early December, or November...I can't quite remember, I wrote a blog entitled "be still." (If you'd like to read that blog you can find it in the "past posts" section on the right.) In that post I talked about my impatience while waiting for the unknown, God's "bigger plan" for my stinky situation. Well I thought you'd like a blog update! A "blog-date" if you will...

It has been almost two months since I wrote that blog, and I'd say everything is wonderful. I know I said I was terrified of waiting out the storm, and I hated not knowing when things were going to get better...well I'm about to get real with you. I may have seen the light!

When I wrote that blog post, I was still uncertain if I had made the right choice is shutting the door to that part of my life. I was scared and nervous and, frankly, was having trouble seeing what was right in front of me. Now that I've had a chance to take a step back and assess the situation I see all of the immense blessings that were thrown my way during that not-so-awesome time.

This Wednesday, my youth pastor talked about seeing the trials in our lives as a way for us to hold tighter to God and His plan for us (at least that's what I took from the message), and after the service there was discussion time. One of the questions asked was "How do you know your heart has changed even if your circumstances haven't?" My answer was this: even when you're still in the middle of your "storm," if you can take a step back and see, not the difficulties, but the blessings being showered upon you, you're in a good place.

Now that I've worked on my heart a little bit, I've begun to say prayers of gratitude rather than "why me?" I've seen my old friend situation as a learning experience, and I've seen my new friend situation as a gift.

I haven't really talked much about the ladies that have brought me comfort and love even if they didn't know what was going on in  my life. (One of these days I'll write an entire post about how awesome they are.) They are the girls whose hearts for God and trust in Him absolutely ASTOUND me! They are they women that I am blessed to call not just friends, but sisters.

Even though there are times when I get a little blue and I feel kind of sad and insignificant, I remind myself to take a step back and see the bigger picture! I was given the gift of friendships that are solid in God, even when I didn't, or was too stubborn, to see it. God continues to bless me even if I'm a little blinded by the bad.

Now for you...God will continue to bring blessings into your life. I don't know what you're going through, and I'm sure right now it seems like there's nothing good in your life, but I challenge you to step back, see what God has given you, and be thankful. God's blessings for you is NEVER going to stop, even when you're too consumed by the bad to see them.

How to know a good friend when you see one...

I've been thinking about writing this one for a while, and as it usually happens I'm waiting for my hair to dry (shocker) so I thought this would be a good time.

How to know a good friend(s) when you see one: it's been a journey with friends this past year, but I've noticed 4 traits that make a really amazing friend, so I thought I'd share.

1. Listening ears: this one is super important to me, not because I like to talk (wink, wink), but because I need a friend who will listen with their ears before opening their mouth. It's important that you find someone that will take the time to listen to your problem, no matter how silly they might be, and give you sound, loving, and helpful advice. Now, I know that this one is probably hard; especially in respect to high schoolers! So, find a friend/mentor who you know will give you sound advice! They don't have to be your age to be a friend. One of my most favorite people is almost 10 years older than me! As they say "age is but a number..."

2. Loving: I am a very "touchy feely" and emotional person. So it was important for me to find a friends who will love and support me when I'm feeling down. Words of affirmation and kindness are good for the soul, so if you can find someone who makes you feel like a million bucks because of the way they talk to you...keep them around!

3. A heart for God: now this may not apply to everyone who's reading this, so feel free to skip to the next one, but this one is SUPER important to me! I need a friend to can encourage me in my walk with God, who I can confide in when I feel spiritually shaken, and who I know loves God as much as I do. Don't get me wrong! It's not bad to be friends with non-Christians, but remember that they aren't going to be able to give you encouragement that comes from the Holy Spirit! Find that one person, or group of people, that can fill you with the Holy Spirit and you're friendship will be rooted in a foundation that's solid.

4. Just plain ole' fun: I'd say I'm a pretty fun person, and I surround myself with people who don't look at me weird because I say or do something silly. Find those people that laugh with you, dance with you, sing with you, and make you feel so amazing! You are special and unique! Find people ho see and appreciate that quality in you!

Now for you...be THIS friend! Have listening ears, be loving, be fun and accepting! If you're a Christ follower, make your actions speak louder than your words when it comes to your friendships! You can be that friend who makes a huge impact in a person's life. If you have been blessed with friends who love you, and treat you as you should be treated...return the favor! Love others and be a friend who is trustworthy and kind and all around wonderful!

But I know we're not perfect! It's impossible to be the "perfect" friend, but you don't have to be! You just have to be someone who cares. I promise...it'll make a world of difference.